BITTER SWEET

After the tears felt like her second skin.............

The pain in her chest felt like her heartbeat

This was the daily ritual of sadness she went thru...........

Intoxicated with the contents of her bottle............

She staggered to her room and then her bathroom

She switched on her lights and stared back at a stranger

She had lost weight, her hair was gaunt and face pale........

She ran the shower and soaked under its hotness...........

She must have been there for hours, the steam was choking

She walked out of the bathroom and into the room...........

Her memory drifted to the fun times of the last 5 yrs

And jolted at the painful ones causing her hurt............

She decided to get a grip, move on what else could she do?

As she put on some music to ease her mind to rest.......

She took a pen and paper and wrote......................

U win by walking out on me................

U win by every time u called and I answered

U win each time u touched me and I surrendered

U win when I said I love u and U shut me up with a kiss

U win each time u came over and left with a part of me

Never leaving even a scent of urs for me to bask in............

U win telling me I was not ur type else we would have been

U win, U told me Love was not the plan I messed things up

U win as I stare at your wedding invitation........................

U win telling me "friends forever" after 5 years...............

U finally won in the last one year as u planned your exit........
Talking and acting like we were always cool......
Playing off seeing me hurt and craving "US"
But then I realized I was paddling a boat.......
U just needed to get ashore...............

Then her phone rings "hello, long time
Hope you have been good? It was HIM
Just wanted to check if U got the Invitation?"

How dare him, How heartless and blind could he be????

How oblivious to the fact that she loved him????

She replied,  yes I did and he replies ok hope ill see u

This was the last straw and she said I need to see U

He was down the street from her, an open invitation......

The door bell rings and as she opens the door he grabs her

All she had was a towel underneath her robe................

She pulls away and tells him NO, this would only take a min

She hands him an envelope and he reads...................

I am happy U av found happiness as U took mine

But always remember this: 

Each time I smile at U, let it remind U how much I despise u

When I let u hold me, let it remind U how my skin crawls

When u look at me, let my eyes show u the hatred in it

When u see me let it remind you of how weak U are...........

Every time U hear Congrats remember the ring.......
The very ring U said u helped a friend picked............
Only to find me choosing a ring for ur Angel

While me ur Jezebel gets the burden of friendship
Ur worries, fears, doting on u cuz u lack it in ur Angel
But not ur heart when U took mine with no remorse
While U lie to urself and the whole world u love her
But the truth is U are loving for the two of U
Now U want a forever when U ended it all.......
I cant be ur comfort in ur cold pretense
U deserve it, but my Karma hasn't started just yet
Each time u call me friend remember U av a living Enemy
I am not mad or delusional I AM SCORNED......

I DIDN'T KNOW MY OWN STRENGTH!!!!

2010 was an emotional roller coaster..............
Few knew my state of mind, heart and body
I was confused, depressed, empty and wanting
But I learned to numb each pain slowly
Mask my smile and act like all was good
A turn around came and it always does for me
I get to a point I open my windows and let the birds fly
Holding on to things, people when they dont want to be
Its the worst feeling ever...............
It was a year I was the most uncertain abt who I was
What my heart's content was, What beauty there was?
What sex appeal could be under this whole pile of mess ME
Its strange how the one person u wish saw ur beauty
Made u feel ugly inside out constantly................
But it gets to a point u make a decision to DO U
I had to walk away from people's expectations, thoughts
My heart's fear, my mind and the voices in my head.........
And just fall flat at God's feet, I needed HIS LOVE
Nothing else seemed to heal me but his (God)
I tried to see if I cld fill the pain but it never lasted........
When I gave up and had God take over *sigh*
It was the best thing I ever did, he broke me though.......
I had to go through it, take off all hanging threads of the past
And Dec 2010 I was into my own....................
I just had this new lease on life, attitude and said to myself
My happiness matters, its all about ME and NO ONE ELSE
2011 its been an amazing year so much to thank God for......
Graduated (MBA), turned 30 and never felt sexier and lovely
Making a mess of 3 yrs of my life but........
Today I own IT and more, no cliches............
N.B - I wld like to S/O to someone ere.......
Ur discipline and un phased attitude about life
Is real admirable cuz U never cave in to life
I wish u all d best and want u to know
U'll always be a fond one in my heart........
Doc
TejOsh

THE WONDERS OF GOD

I am just thankful for my years on this earth
Many times I have taken the wrong step,
Many times I have made the wrong move,
Many times I have swayed to the wrong music
But God always comes thru...................
I would be graduating in less than a week
2 yrs ago I started my MBA out of a desperate situation
Not knowing If I could do it, If I had the brains for it
Semester after Semester my gift of writing came thru
My grades were awesome and I was filled with awe!!!
One semester almost knocked my dreams out............
I literally gave up on God I had had it with the trust he had in me
The tests he put me thru, the situations meant to build me
But I just gave up and opted to break................
But God in his awesome way watch me crumble
And picked me up piece by piece and put me back together
All by himself wiped my tears, held my face, hugged to himself
And whispered its ok my daughter, watch me and trust me
He changed an impossible situation, what ill call BURIED
And breathe life into it, what was closed became revived......
I was shocked to my bones, I hear pastors talk of almost over
And God came thru but experiencing it myself.............
I shared this testimony a while back on my blog
God has been good to me despite my mess.............
I am amazed at his love and belief in me still cuz
I am not perfect, I am a pile of mess but still.....
He treats me with care, bathes me and cleans off the dirt
Everytime I call he is there, every tear he catches............
While millions serve him diligently I get caught up
Serving myself, getting a thumbs up from the Devil
When sapped out of all the interim joy, I realize
The only sustaining joy is God and he never falters..........
I am not a saint nor wake up this morning with a conscience
Everyday God has been awesome to me, even thru selfishness
I am grateful and in total awe, I get a chance to say THANK U
And come sunday Ill put my fingers to rest at UMUC.........
God thank u for finding me worthy despite my ways.......

WANTING

God understand his children perfectly and the reason why he gives us our NEEDS

But human beings take for granted the feelings of others in various forms
In friendship, relationships, business operations, marriage, parenting!!!!
We cant pre empt God at the same time dont blame God for ur tardiness

Emotionally lazy pple are not Lazy to me they are plain selfish

Life is what it is we take if we can keep getting but what abt the giver?
When the giver is finally sapped out what happens???

This is where the true selfish xters come out at the same time

The givers are to blame cuz they never know when to stop or say NO

In a relationship we might be what we NEED for each other but

The power of WANT shld never be undermined, not even in this day

U can be all I need but If I dont want u I would never realize MY NEED
An important reason God's timing should be respected and appreciated

Every Man wants a wife, home keeper, kids and a home to come to but

Are u the Man she wants?
Every Woman wants a husband with a fat bank account, a socialite (for some)A money bag, father to her kids but are u the woman he wants???
Little things we take for granted are the mighty cracks we watch cave in
It seems trivial at first but A relationship is not about COMFORT its COMPROMISE
I know life hapens, work, kids, making ends meet but if u take a second to think
Where did all the fun go? Now its Morning, breakfast, kids, work, home and Gudnyt
Why wont it be alright to look elsewhere?
It is normal the stars fall out of the eyes after some time together but
Also once in a while indulge in putting those stars back on ur partner

I have this saying....................

"When the landlord mistreats his house, the Tenant becomes a Lord 2"
This goes for both sexes, Never Ignore ur partner's WANTS
What u think is absurd to give to ur partner someone else thinks its a token
No one's life is going to be the same as urs, reactions wld always be different

Some of our wants are misplaced and selfish true but lets be careful

We dont get too wrapped up in our comfort zones to make others uncomfortable

We might NEED each other but do we WANT each other

Think abt that and maybe open urself up a little to giving in to a WANT

May God help us all in our sojourn to find bliss

Tej(C) 2011

THE HARD WALK/WORK

Reading and listening to Celebs

Recently Jada and Will Smith
Got me thinking abt our mindsets
And the models we choose as we forget
Who we really are..................
I am going to talk on something a bit controversial

Love, Committment, Trust, Communication & Connection

I am from this school of thought called weird
 I am just a realist, as a young girl I had my life planned

The perfect man, profession, marriage, bank accounts

But as I grew up I began to realize

The burning secrets our parents had

The pain, confusion and frustration our parents musta had

My generation is packed with hypocrites

Who just hurt themselves in guilt

We are also not as spiritual, we run to man stead of God

I am a party I am not blameless but I tend to see things different

Pple go on with battle of the sexes, blaming who for what

Guys go on about machoism, how they are created to rule

Girls are now bold enough to claim the bitch and live by it

In all these is hidden pain, desire, confusion and judgement

When 2 pple are together, it starts like its forever but

We forget life is in phases, love stands the test of time and fails

Expectations birth pressure and disappointments al the time

2 pple in love forget tests wld come and bail when its show time

I hear girls say Men r to take care of them TRUE but

No one and no law states its a man's role

And thats the problem, our man made laws

A man who feels the need to take care of u

Over a guy who wants to? I Wld rather want

I believe in old fashion love, birth out of care and concern

These days its a status, competition to show and display love

The constant do's and dont's have brain washed our thinking

A woman shldnt cook, stay over at a guy's place

A girl shldnt call, should comb thru his place

A guy shldn't spend, or  go to expensive places

A guy shld just go for the cookie jar c'mon in this century

When wld this immature thinking stop?????

A guy and a girl meet biased with expectations

Emotions truly make u go out of the ordinary but thats why

They are emotions, people take it for granted which is

The anger both sexes carry and nurse LET IT GO

THEN!!!!!

Hypocrites, Trying to control another person's life

No one's situation can be the same as urs

If u r in a relationship and half of the time u r an investigator

You dont need to be in a relationship

As we grow I would expect us to be truthful to ourselves

Ladies, we lie to ourselves a lot always blame the guys yet

We have a part of the blame, especially those who have gud men

Its hard as it is with all the vultures outside

If u like a tall, sophisticated, rich guy (imperfect world)

Dont date a short guy, brash guy and broke out of pity

Leave him for sumone who wld appreciate him

Dont fill ur loneliness at someone else's happiness

Guys if u just want sex, dont lead a girl on

We latch on only because we believe we can make u see

If u see a lady dont demand a slut and later call dem a bitch

U destroy the self esteem of a lady and make her feel worthless

Laugh at ur sleek ways and complain later in life?????

U break her for the one to build her back WORK HARD

We both destroy one another and it shld stop

The word No shld not be hard to say

Learn 2 Understand it must not be MUTUAL

We fail to see the one who adores us looking at the one we adore

TRUTH

Every relationship has its ups and downs

If u choose to be with sumone u av ur reasons

It doesnt mean loose ur identity or a sense of who u are

It doesnt mean get caught up in ur partner and loose urself

Love fizzles out we do not understand the fire burns out

2 pple cant be a 100 all the time its called a compromise

Its not worth it to keep trying and
The reason (person) is not even bothered

Romance is important we get caught up in life

Only to get a wake up call maybe a tad 2 late

U wld always be attracted to someone its life

Everytime u try to talk to sumone doesnt mean u want sex

Friendships are mistaken for certain expectations

Unfortunately these friendships are
Needed as much as u want them

Ur man or woman cant give u EVERYTHING

Beating urself abt talking to sumone else is setting urself up

When u talk into things it only feeds off ur worry!!!!

How do u explain a marriage where its Good morning

Breakfast, kids, work , home, news and goodnight

A relationship where its just obligatory

To call, say I love u, do nice things

Its just how it works, we must revive the fire

It is happening in many homes but pple r just mute!!!!

U must communicate as much as sum dont like 2

U find a nest then u r the bad one girl/guy

Find out what is missing in ur relationship

Men! majority complain of sex getting boring

Do u ever find out what ur woman wants????

Women are pleasers, men are takers only a few r givers

Sex is an important thing in a relationship

So also is communicating and compromise

Men r not as patient to get the ultimate from their partner

For women u av to make love to her mind

Then u av her body!!!!!!!!!!

Her mind is the door to her sexuality, its d power house

Sometimes we want a fast session get with the mind

Its all give or take, U av to get her relaxed first

People have different sexual orientations

Men be patient enough to teach and

Be nice enough to correct ur partner

Dont shut down or make her feel like a failure

Tell what u want but at the same time Listen to us

I say it all the time a Kiss is a powerful tool for women

A kiss, touch drives the message to the mind

But if as a guy you r kissing her to just get ur Johns attended to

Then u miss the point, both of u have to want attention

Imagine the drive of such desires to be satisfied??? Exactly

Its a complex thing and I hope to get into a discussion

With mature, realistic pple on these topics we shy away from!!!

Take out the do's or dont's ur situation is peculiar to u alone

Never make anyone's experience ur yard stick

Let ur emotions go sometimes enjoy it

There is no rule handing d cake to any sexes

We are all created to learn and discover ourseleves

Dont have ur walls up, let go

Dont cheat urself out of life

Love is beautiful, Loving someone is selfless

Sex is wonderful, a mind connection
With the right one is pure bliss

Friendships are sacred, keep an open door
Dont be too stuck up we r all channels

Attractions are normal, dont get too judgemental

Control is God given, running away only draws u closer
Communication is key, rejection is not murder respect it

Feelings dont have to be mutual, understand that

Never judge anyone if u cant feel their heart

Life is unfair, I try to be as fair as possible

Disrespect is not cute, Maturity is hella sexy!!!!

Teju (c) 2011

POISON

The poison that knocks ur sense of smell.............

Its attractive like a bottle of cologne..............

U love the sweet smell but never tasted it...............

Ur eyes gets locked on the bottle.............

Saying if only, the bottle is so attractive...............

U reach out and its heavier than U thought

Its hypnotic, u r gone into a trance.............

Slowly u get a glass and pour..................

It has no taste thats the deception................

The bitterness would stop you

The sweetness wld consume you

U drink your fill, ur head starts reeling..........

Ur eyes are blurred, ur grip is loose............

This poison swims slowly into ur system............

Taking over, weakening you to a pulp............

Helpless and out of breath..................

Poison wins as it engulfs you..............

No matter how much you detox.............

Its traces never leave, u always taste it..............

Potent is its Power!!! POISON

Teju (c) 2011.

MY PERSPECTIVE ON A KISS

Hallos everyone,

I am ere and just felt like blogging on this one topic.................

I was discussing with a friend and some things crossed my mind........

People may argue different but I believe a Kiss is POWERFUL

Its the first step to cooling the flames of attraction............

Its the first action or gesture of true love, friendship.........

How people get crazy from lack of sex, some get from no kiss

There are various ways to express a kiss................

A kiss on the forehead - Appreciative love

A kiss on the cheek - Friends/care

A kiss on the neck - Passion, Desire, deep

A kiss on the lip - Friends, lovers, a bold step

A kiss on the shoulder - Love, passion, appreciating the body

Then we go deeper.........The French Kiss as we all call it.

If you are passionate about a kiss then this would make sense

If you are liplocking and there is too much saliva going X

If you are liplocking and constantly try to catch ur breath or

Your teeth keeps clashing then you are not interested in a kiss...........

A kiss can never be enjoyed with closed lips (many guys do this)

Catching ur breath - u are probably nervous, fast or rough

Good breath is a pathway to enjoy a kiss....

Before you kiss someone there has to be an attraction to enjoy it

A kiss sometimes is as filling as SEX (dont jump me yet) but its true

If you have an attraction and you let all that fire in a kiss trust me!!!!

Recovering from a good kiss takes years, you always touch ur lips

A kiss should be spontaneous, subtle,
A lot of feeling of the lips and passionate

Now this is for someone who wants to enjoy a kiss.............

Man guys are not keen on a kiss we ladies all know this but.....

You can make him love it, instead U do the initiating

You calm his nerves with a good kiss, the important thing is.....

Feel ur lips dont be in a rush to explore ur mouth.............

Tongue & Saliva are not the tools for kissing its ur LIPS!!!

When lips meet they are meant to be parted not closed..........

Sometimes let the other person kiss you as long as they want

You dont have to be in a hurry to return a kiss let them feel ur lips

A subtle peck on the cheek is felt than a quick smack.............

You remember you got a smack but u touch ur cheek after a subtle one.

A kiss ignites foreplay, the hands are not as magical without a kiss........

The magic of it is why we close our eyes, its an out of body experience

When 2 people have been on the edge, hearts racing, eye contacts...........

Desire builds up, its different when its Love, Lust or Pure Chemistry..........

Sometimes a kiss breaks the ice, its no gun to ur head for sex................

A kiss between people with Pure Chemistry is taunting till it happens........

Friendship builds from such or relationships break................

Sometimes a kiss should be left at a kiss, an excuse for sex destroys it all

A kiss with people in love is ever refreshing, most times its not french

Its always the lips and thats what keeps it alive, French kissing all day NOPE

I know people say when u are married for years ................

One should be able to kiss with morning breath well.................

Lets be real, u want to keep swallowing bad breath and germs from another

Keep it clean dont fall for the myths that leave u confused..................

You cant have ur mouth unbrushed all day .................

And want to stick and swallow my tongue and expect a vis a vis................

People do it and its great but what is wrong in a clean mouth?

Reason why I said Lips are the essential with a KISS,

U wake up in the morning mouth full of Saliva and u want a french kiss

Thats not love, lets not base frivolous ideas on love....................

Anyways b4 I digress, LUST is always the wild thing................

Kissing without even remembering how the lips felt,

Biting, clashing teeth, bursted lips,well crazy passion once in a while

But sometimes 2 people in lust dont even want to kiss..............

It makes no sense, its all about the body but.............

The day a kiss happens know gradually a sense of care has crept in..........

A kiss is powerful, its passionate, its a slow poison that streams in ur blood

Enjoy a kiss better with ur lips than ur tongue, part ur lips ................

If u cant catch ur breath, hold each other relax and................

Let ur lips take you to paradise.................

So for the first time i discussed something this bold on my blog............

I just felt to share u definitely know its a passion  I have :)

I do understand a lot of people might not agree but hey try it.............

Kiss slowly and dont be in a rush to stop ur lips from feeling!!!

(c)Teju 2011